Owning My Choices

Throughout the years of Fibromyalgia induced fatigue and pain, I have reached a point in my life where I over- analyze every choice I make and the choices the people around me make.  Like most Fibromites, I have to carefully consider each action I take and the potential cost of that action.

For instance, yesterday, I chose to volunteer and attend a dance recital. As a result, I wasn't able to take my younger daughter to the park or walk the dogs or do any household chores yesterday. Today, my back hurts horribly and I am hobbling to get  from place to place.  I made my choice for the day and I own it, but I also thought about it a lot, probably too much.

I stayed up late the night before dwelling on my choices for the upcoming day, trying to decide if I was going to end up overdoing things and wondering if maybe I should not have volunteered to help out at the earlier showing. I believe that the necessity of considering every possible outcome to every decision has contributed a great deal to a level of anxiety that I often have.  And after the fact, I wonder if I made the right choice.  Ultimately, we all have to make choices though and I'd rather make choices that help my family and be in more pain for a day or two, than not do them at all.

I find myself wondering if perhaps, I focus too much on my choices. Perhaps, if I accept the things I can do and enjoy them without questioning my choices, then I may be able to do just a bit more or at least do things without feeling anxious the night before.

I remember a story from Buddha about finding Peace of Mind and decided to share it today. Click here to read Peace of Mind.