Dreading Independence Day in USA

Spirit of '76

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July our Independence Day in the United States.  My husband wants to host a Barbecue, my children want to attend the local parade and festival, and everyone wants to go see the fireworks display.  Everyone that is except me. 

I went to bed around 1:30 am and I woke up this morning (about 4 am) with cramps in both of my legs and my left arm, sobbing in pain and screaming.  This horrendous level of pain only lasted for about ten to fifteen minutes, but it felt longer.  Hours after the cramping finally stopped, I started to move a bit and decided to take it easy.  My pain has been at level 8 all day and nothing is taking it down.  I feel like I didn’t manage to get anything done today.

Here’s a list of what I actually finished today:

·   I managed to write the 3^rd post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge earlier today.

·   I also managed to visit my sister and setup final interviews for the caregiver position we are hiring to help my sister when she finally gets to go home and leave the assisted living facility she’s been in since February

·   I got in a fight with my husband because I didn’t answer a question fast enough and he’s stressed and I’m in pain, so all the ingredients for a whopper of an argument about nothing.

·   I’m finishing the 4^th post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge for tomorrow, because the way I feel right now I don’t think I’ll be able to do it tomorrow.

This is next to nothing, even on my worse days I tend to get a little more done.  But I just didn’t have the strength. Even as I sit here at the computer, my entire body is screaming at me to stop.  I just want to get this post done. I’m so excited to be a part of the Ultimate Blog Challenge and I don’t want to mess it up so early in.

Anyway, the way I’m feeling today and tonight, I am pretty positive that I will not be physically capable of helping host a BBQ, watching fireworks, going to the parade, hanging around the park to watch the bands and events, and lighting off fireworks at home.  I have to start eliminating some of these things. 

US Marine Corp Memorial

Everyone around me is so excited about the Fourth of July and I am dreading it.  I’ve already told people that I’m not going to try to watch the big fireworks display and the response has been to try to convince me otherwise.  But I really want to see the parade with the kids and walk around the park for a bit (if I can) and I know there’s no way I can do it all. 

I feel exhausted and in pain and frustrated.  It’s not that I don’t want to do all of the things everyone else wants from me, but I’m not going to be able to do it and I already know this.  Am I setting myself up for failure by recognizing this now and trying to get people to understand ahead of time? 

I don’t know the right way to handle this, but I don’t want to trigger another flare-up. The last one lasted for months and was horrific. I just need to be smart about my choices so I can enjoy life, but it’s hard when everyone else has a different agenda and doesn’t seem to understand.

I guess I’m throwing myself a pity party for the Fourth of July.  I hope this doesn’t annoy anyone.  I guess I just need to blow off a little steam and refocus on the positives.  

What are the positives? 

• At least, my family loves me and wants me to be a part of the day.  
• We all have freedoms brought on by the signing of the Declaration of Independence and maintained by the continued efforts of our troops.  
• My house is cleaner than it has been in months.  My husband made a deal with one of our friends who does housecleaning to help out around the house and it really looks better.  
• I managed to write post #3 and illustrate a quote and I just might be able to squeeze in post #4 for tomorrow tonight.

Uhm, well actually, this looks like a full post to me.  It may not be the most inspiring of holiday posts for celebrating Independence Day or of posts by me in general, but it is real and how I feel for now.  At least, I know it will get better and I vow to be happy with whatever I’m able to do tomorrow, regardless of what anyone else thinks or wants.  I will let you know on Friday how it went, but I'm sure I will have some wonderful moments with my family at whatever level I'm capable of doing.  If nothing else, we will have a great barbecue!

Happy Independence Day!